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In a wedding card or invitation card, RSVP means "please reply": it stands for the French répondez s'il vous plaît and asks you to tell the couple, by the date given, whether you are coming. Below: what each RSVP wording means, how to reply by card, online or text, and when to reply.
Perrie Lundstrom · 8 min readPublished · Updated
In a wedding card, RSVP means "please reply". It stands for the French répondez s'il vous plaît and asks you to tell the couple, yes or no, whether you are coming by the date on the invitation. Reply the way it asks: return the card, use the wedding website, or call, email or text the contact given. The Emily Post Institute says to reply within a day or two. Reply-by dates usually fall two to four weeks before the wedding.
In a wedding card or any other invitation card, RSVP means "please reply": the hosts are asking you to tell them whether you will attend. A card that says "RSVP by 14 May" wants your yes or your no on or before 14 May, and silence is considered discourteous.
The couple asks because they need an accurate guest count for the reception. The Emily Post Institute notes that caterers and other suppliers work from that head count.
RSVP stands for répondez s'il vous plaît, which is French for "please reply" or "please respond". Translated literally it is "respond, if you please", and the four letters are the first letters of the French words: R for répondez, S for s'il, V for vous and P for plaît.
The abbreviation is French because French was for a long time the working language of diplomacy and of letters, and English kept the phrase as its standard request for a reply. It is written RSVP or R.S.V.P., and English also uses it as a verb ("we RSVP'd last week"). It means the same on a wedding, party or dinner invitation and on a formal event card.
On an invitation, RSVP means the host wants to know whether you are coming, and the words around it tell you how to answer. The Emily Post Institute's rule is to reply in the manner the invitation indicates.
| What the invitation says | What to do |
|---|---|
| "RSVP by 14 May", "Please reply by 14 May" or "The favour of your reply is requested by 14 May" | Answer yes or no by that date. All three ask the same thing. |
| RSVP, with a reply card enclosed | Fill in the card and post it back in its envelope by the date. |
| RSVP, with no reply card | Write a short reply to the hosts at the return address on the envelope, or reply by email. |
| RSVP with a website address or QR code | Reply on the couple's wedding website. |
| RSVP with a phone number | Call and speak to a person, not a voicemail. |
| RSVP with a name and contact number, as on Indian wedding cards | Call or message the person named with your reply. |
| RSVP with an email address | Accept or decline by email. |
| Regrets only | Reply only if you cannot attend. Silence is read as a yes. |
To RSVP to a wedding, reply in the format the couple asked for, by the date on the invitation, with the name of everyone replying and a clear yes or no. The three common formats:
Whichever it is, expect to be asked for some of these:
To fill out an RSVP card, write the names of the invited guests on the first line, mark whether you accept or decline, complete any other lines and post the card in its envelope by the reply-by date. Check the envelope your invitation came in first: the names on it are the people invited.
| Line on the card | What to write |
|---|---|
| M________ | Your title and full name: the M is the first letter of Mr, Mrs, Ms or Miss. Add your guest's name if you were invited with one. |
| Name(s) | The full name of each invited person. Some couples print this in place of the M. |
| Accepts / Regrets, or Will attend / Will not attend | Mark one. |
| Number attending | How many of the invited people are coming. Never more than were invited. |
| Meal choice | Each guest's name or initials beside the dish they chose. |
Write clearly: Reader's Digest's guide to reply cards notes that couples take the head count, and often the place cards, from them.
To RSVP by text, send one message to the number on the invitation that says who you are, names everyone replying, gives a clear yes or no and adds anything the couple asked for, such as dietary needs.
Text only when the couple has invited it: the invitation asks for a text, gives a keyword for a text-reply service (include that word) or arrived by text itself. Where it gives only a phone number, the advice differs: Reader's Digest treats a number given for replies as an invitation to text, while the Emily Post Institute says to call and speak to someone. If in doubt, call. A reply card should still go back in the post. Open with your name, as the Emily Post Institute advises for any text to someone who may not have your number.
For example: "Hi Anna and James, it's Priya Shah. Arjun and I would love to come on 14 May. Two of us, both vegetarian. Thank you for inviting us." To say no by text, use the short note under how to decline.
RSVP for a wedding as soon as you know your answer, and by the date on the invitation at the latest. The Emily Post Institute's standard for any invitation is to reply within a day or two of receiving it, once you have checked your schedule and asked anyone else named on the invitation.
| Your situation | When to reply |
|---|---|
| The invitation gives no date | Within a day or two. |
| You already know you cannot go | Straight away, so the couple has time to invite someone in your place. |
| The date has passed | Now, with a brief apology and your answer. |
A destination wedding sets its reply date earlier and asks more of the RSVP, because the couple is coordinating travel, accommodation and a programme of several days, and has to reserve hotel rooms well ahead. The destination-wedding RSVP guide has those deadlines, how to decide and what to do after saying yes.
Guests should RSVP by a date two to four weeks before the wedding: the Emily Post Institute puts the "reply by" date two to three weeks before, and The Knot three to four. The gap gives the couple time to chase guests who have not answered and to give caterers an accurate head count.
If you are the couple setting the date:
To decline a wedding invitation, reply "no" in the format the couple asked everyone to use, as early as you can, with thanks and good wishes. Do not let silence stand in for a no.
You do not owe a reason: the etiquette experts Reader's Digest interviewed say one sentence of thanks and regret is enough. Whether to send a gift is a separate decision, covered in the wedding gift guide.
Written by Perrie Lundstrom. Sources and revision details are listed here. If you spot an error, email us.
The M on an RSVP card is the first letter of a title: Mr, Mrs, Ms or Miss. Complete the title, write your full name after it and add your guest's name if you were invited with one, for example "Mr and Mrs James Bailey". If you use Dr or another title, write that and leave the M as it is.
"Regrets only" means you reply only if you cannot attend. If the hosts hear nothing from you, they expect you to be there. The wording is unusual on a wedding invitation, where the couple needs to hear from everyone, and turns up more on invitations to smaller events.
Send your reply to the email address printed on the invitation. Give the full name of everyone replying, say whether you accept or decline, and add anything the couple asked for, such as a meal choice. The Emily Post Institute also accepts email when an invitation says RSVP but has no reply card.
Yes, even if you cannot attend: RSVP means "please reply", and that covers declining as much as accepting. A missed RSVP leaves the couple unable to finalise their plans. If the date has already passed, reply now with a brief apology and your answer.
Tell the couple directly and as soon as possible, with a brief apology. Do not cancel silently. The Emily Post Institute says a yes should become a no only for illness or injury, a death in the family or an unavoidable work conflict. A no can become a yes only if it will not upset the hosts' arrangements, so ask first.
Only if the invitation names them. The Emily Post Institute's rule is that an invitation covers the people the hosts chose to invite and no one else. If your invitation says "and Guest", say in your reply whether you are bringing someone and give their name. Children are invited when the invitation says so.
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