How to write a wedding toast, with examples.

A wedding toast is a short speech in honour of the couple, usually given at the reception. It ends with the speaker saying the couple's names and raising a glass, and the guests drinking to them. Debrett's, the British etiquette authority, calls them wedding speeches, each finishing with a toast.

The formula is two minutes, one story and one turn, the point where you leave the story and face the couple. Two minutes is the target and three is acceptable. The Emily Post Institute's advice is similar: a minute or two, three at most.

The five parts add up to two minutes or a little more.

Choose the story first, and tell it with a detail: "I remember the first time Sarah called me about James" beats "Sarah has always been the most generous friend." Give the wish the same treatment: "May your mornings be slow, your dinners be long, and your next forty years include many more of each." Toastmasters International counts 150 words a minute as typical, which makes two minutes about 300 words and three about 450. If the draft runs longer, trim the story and keep the wish.

These wedding toast examples are short on purpose. Each follows the five parts for an invented couple, Sarah and James.

Best man toast

Traditionally the longest and most anecdotal, at up to four minutes: how you met the groom, one defining story, and why the bride is right for him. Roast-level jokes do not land in a room this wide.

"For those who don't know me, I'm Tom, and I have been James's friend since we were eleven. The week he met Sarah, he rang to ask how long he should wait before texting her back. I said three days. He had already replied in four minutes. That is what Sarah does to him: he stops calculating and turns up. May you always answer each other that fast. To Sarah and James."

Maid of honour toast (maid of honor in the US)

Usually warmer than the best man's and often funnier. It is about the bride and why the groom is right for her.

"I'm Priya, Sarah's maid of honour and her flatmate for six years. In all that time she never let me win an argument about directions. Then she came home from her second date with James and said, 'He let me navigate, we got lost, and he called it the best walk he'd had all year.' James, you are the only person who makes Sarah happy to be wrong. May you keep getting lost together. To Sarah and James."

Parent of the bride or groom

Shorter and more poignant, and three minutes at most: a brief story from your child's upbringing or the moment you knew they had found the right person, then a welcome to your new son- or daughter-in-law.

"I'm Helen, Sarah's mother, and on behalf of both families, thank you all for being here. When Sarah was seven she packed a suitcase and announced she was moving next door, because their dog was friendlier than ours. She has always known where she wanted to be, and for three years now that has been next to James. James, welcome to the family. May your home be the one everybody wants to move into. To Sarah and James."

Sibling

Often the funniest toast, because siblings have material. Two minutes at most, one story.

"I'm Dan, James's little brother, so I have thirty years of material and two minutes to use it. James taught me to ride a bike by letting go without telling me. Sarah, that is how he loves people: he holds on until you are steady, then runs alongside shouting. May you always run alongside each other. To Sarah and James."

The couple's thank-you

Two to three minutes: thank your parents, the wedding party and the guests who travelled, and say one sentence about each other. Vows are a separate piece of writing, covered by the wedding vows template.

"We will keep this short. Thank you to our parents, to Tom and Priya, and to all of you for travelling so far. Sarah, I would marry you again tomorrow. Please raise your glasses: to all of you."

The traditional order of wedding toasts depends on where the wedding is.

The US and rehearsal dinner rows follow the Emily Post Institute, which adds that the best man's toast can be the only one. The British row follows Debrett's. The hour-by-hour wedding day timeline shows where toasts sit in the evening.

• The first time they told you. Where you were when your friend first mentioned this person, and what gave them away.
• A funny toast. Tease them about something they already laugh at themselves. The Emily Post Institute's rule for jokes: keep it light and clean.
• A destination wedding. Thank the guests who travelled to be there, and give the setting one line. You are toasting the couple, not the resort. See also destination wedding etiquette.
• An Irish wedding toast. For a traditional close, IrishCentral lists this among its Irish wedding blessings: "May you both live as long as you want, and never want as long as you live."

• Write it out in full and read it aloud at least three times, timing yourself. Winging it is how a toast becomes eight meandering minutes.
• Print it in a large font (14 pt or bigger). A phone dims mid-toast, and memorising it is unnecessary and risky.
• Have one drink to steady yourself, not four to mask the nerves.
• Stand up, breathe and slow down. Look at the couple for the story, and at the room for the turn and the wish.
• If you cry, pause and carry on. The room is on your side.
• Leave out exes, in-jokes only a handful of guests understand, and any story the couple would not want their grandparents to hear.
• Stop before four minutes, when guests start to drift.
• End with "To Sarah and James", raise your glass, and wait for the guests to raise theirs before you drink. A sip of any drink is enough, and by custom the couple do not drink to their own toast.